I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
