She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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