Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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