I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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