Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
