dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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