her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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