Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
