Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
