I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
