I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
