The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
