you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
