i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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