I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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