so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
