She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
