You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
