She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
