I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
