too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
