ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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