nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
not ubering you a puppy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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