bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
