she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
