ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
