He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
