I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
