i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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