google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
