I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
