They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
