Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
