3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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