Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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