I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize