i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
