i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
