Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
