On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
