I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
