sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
