Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
