alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
