I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
