Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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