she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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