he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
