Got a toothbrush?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize