I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
