# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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