what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
