tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
