Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
