Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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