i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
