I cannot find my penis.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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