I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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