the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
