My liver just broke up with me...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
