I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
