I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize