So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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