I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just had sex on a roof
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
