made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
