Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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