just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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