so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
