Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
