My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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