why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
