I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
