Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love having hate sex.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
