just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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