I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
