I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I had to cum in my sink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
