During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
