I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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