My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
