I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
