Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
