remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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