Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
