I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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