Do you still have your period?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize