I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You need a sexual gate keeper
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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