bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
