porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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